How Low Can You Go? – Emotional Extremes in Roleplaying Games

Buckle up kids, this one’s going to be a bumpy ride. Actually, kids, better get off altogether because we’re going to tackle some pretty hefty topics today. If you’re offended by the concept of sex and violence taken to the nth degree in Table Top Role Playing Games, then this article might be skippable. I’ll try to keep the tone as respectful as possible and treat each topic with the gravitas it deserves. With that said, let’s get on with it.

I’m sure many of us have been in games where a player gets a liiiiittle too detailed when describing how they excruciatingly torture an enemy that’s less than forthcoming with the plot or have been subjected to the wheezing chuckles of a clumsy attempt at narrating a sex scene with an “ample”  female NPC. As Dungeon Masters, it’s important to not only set the tone for a campaign in your own descriptions and encounters, but to enforce it in a way that doesn’t infringe on your players’ agency. Unfortunately, there are some topics that are going to require you to either handle with grace or avoid entirely. This article will go through the steps required to get your players’ consent to engage with them in potentially harmful roleplay and come out the other side in the afterglow of a great session.

Consent? Harmful roleplay? Afterglow? DUNGEONS?! This is starting to sound like an article about BDSM!

Well, it actually kind of is. I’ll get back to that.

My safe word is Catoblepas.

Author’s note: If this is where you jump off the train, I don’t blame you. Not everyone has the stomach or the open mind to consider these topics in their gaming. For those of you staying with us, thank you again for your willingness to be uncomfortable for the sake of making our hobby the best it can be. Back to the article.

BDSM in its most basic form is subjecting yourself to the extremes of the human experience for a rush of brain chemicals that make you all tingly and happy, such as pain, humiliation, subservience, and loss of agency. Roleplaying those sorts of things in our tabletop games can bring the same rushes, but also come with the same caveats and warnings that, if left unaddressed, can result in discomfort at best or emotional harm at worst.

I’m going to borrow  lot of concepts and terms from the world of BDSM, because those freaks (I say freaks with love, I’m one of them!) have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about things that make them uncomfortable, and there are a surprising amount of parallels between BDSM and TTRPGs.

First off is consent. This one is surprisingly easy to accomplish in TTRPGs, because it’s easy for everyone to pull back, get a bird’s eye view of what’s going on, and talk about it. The trick here is to make sure that your players feel welcome in withdrawing their consent to participate in a scene in your game. No one likes to tell the Dungeon Master what they can and can’t do, and your players may feel especially apprehensive about telling you that what’s going on in the game makes them feel excluded, uncomfortable, or upset. If you plan on including potentially offensive or upsetting content in your game, have a quick chat with your players first. Let them know before the campaign or session begins that X, Y, or Z might happen in your game, and that if anyone has any problems with it, they should speak up. If they think they’re going to be okay with it and later find out that it is now a little too much, make it clear that the door is open for them to voice their concerns. In the BDSM world we call this “Ongoing Informed Consent”, and it’s critical to making sure everyone involved has a fun experience.

So what happens when it’s one of your players that is causing the disruption by going to extremes that not everyone else is comfortable with? You’ve made sure to set the tone for your campaign, you’ve discussed what is and isn’t allowed at your table, and you maintain a clear and open channel of communication with your players. And yet, you still have someone that likes to toe the line or even blatantly leap over it for their own amusement. Unfortunately, that’s going to come down to having a talk. Even though it may seem like a problem that can be solved in-game (you torture people, alignment change!) it’s actually an out-of-game problem that stems from a misunderstanding of their fellow players’ boundaries or a blatant disregard of them.

Catoblepas. CATOBLEPAS! CATOBLEPAS!!

After wrapping up a session or scene, it’s important to pull yourself and your players out of the fantasy and back into reality. Intellectually, we all know it’s a game, but if you’ve done your job as a Dungeon Master and really brought your game to life in your players’ imaginations they may still be emotionally stuck in what just happened. In BDSM, we call this aftercare, but “palate cleanser” might be a more appropriate term for tabletop gaming. This can take the form of a snack break, after game coffee, or even just a quick out of character chat with your players on an unrelated topic to bring them back to the real world.

That’s all well and good, Chris, but how do I know when I’m going to cross a line?

Good thing the kinksters got you covered. Some brilliant mind some time ago came up with mojo upgrade. Two people can take the test and rate their desire to engage in certain “deviant” experiences and compare them after the fact. If one or both aren’t into a particular kink, it doesn’t show up for either. If both say “yes please!” then they now have a safe, non-judgmental way to start the conversation about that thing. Taking notes from mojo upgrade, I’ve designed a google doc for DMs to use to allow their players to anonymously kibosh or express their desire to engage in a certain type of roleplay.

https://goo.gl/forms/mAlh7XrqyhI577M03

Unfortunately, due to the limitations of Google Forms, you will not be able to make your own copy without me adding you as a collaborator. If you’d like to use this one as-is, simply e-mail sampson.cj9@gmail.com with the  and I will create a copy for you to use in your home games. If anyone with stronger google-fu than I would like to suggest an alternative, please e-mail me at the same address.

Yet again, this article only scratches the surface and I’ve gone over the limit of what one would consider a reasonable word count. If you take away anything from my words, it’s to be compassionate and kind towards your fellow players. Respect and communication is key to keeping the game fun for everyone.